As I began reading Heart of Darkness I began feeling a
connection with the main character, Marlow. I saw myself as a young girl
reflected upon him, and his foreshadowing’s reflected upon my later life.
Marlow is a
character that seems to be surrounded by greedy, ivory-seeking crewmates. Their
ideals are very different from Marlow’s, as Conrad makes apparent in the first
part of the novel, “It is funny what some people will do for a few francs
a-month. I wonder what becomes of that kind when it goes up country?” (Page
23). The quote is a foreshadowing; Marlow may discover what becomes of himself
as he goes up country. The doctor also foreshadows what psychological changes
might come to Marlow on his expedition. He says, as he measure his scull, that
he hardly sees the explorers again but that the real changes occur inside the
scull. Marlow starts off as a pure young boy merely wanting to explore his
childhood fantasies. He doesn’t do the job for the money; he does it for the
pure curiosity of the unknown, or the blank spots on the map that he had
dreamed about exploring when he was a kid. Marlow acknowledges however, that
these spots are no longer blank, they have already been discovered, colonized,
and given names, “True by this time it was not a blank space anymore. It had
got filled since my boyhood with rivers and lakes and names. It had ceased to
be a blank space of delightful mystery--- a white patch for a boy to dream
gloriously over. It had become a place of darkness.” (Page 10). Marlow knows
the horrors that go on in these places he once dreamed of exploring, but his
fascination for these spots is too big for him to be scared off by it. Naïve
and ignorant people who believe that the company is in Africa for the benefit
of the natives frustrate him. He knows that the company is in it for the Ivory
and profit. His own aunt who glorifies the company and what they do for the
savages irritates him, “She talked about “weaning those ignorant millions from
their horrid ways,” till, upon my word she made me quite uncomfortable. I
ventured to hint that the company was run for profit.” (Page 19).
As I read
this in part one I could see myself somewhat reflected upon Marlow. As a child
of an expat family, a nomad so to speak, I have always had an adventurous soul.
After the second year of being in a new country I would ask my father, is it
was time to move yet?. I would get impatient and bored of my routine. I wanted
the notice to come saying that in 2 months we would pack up and move to a
country I hadn’t heard about and had to look up on a map. Like Marlow, as a
kid, I wanted to explore every unknown country I could. I was 8 and living in
Bolivia when my father came home with the news that we would be moving back to
the states at the end of the year. I was horrified. I wanted to move to Brazil
or Chile, some place where I could learn about a culture. I despised my fellow
Virginians who compared Chile to a food and Peru to the land of the llamas.
Ignorant people irritated me, ad did the irritate Marlow. After 4 years in
Virginia we finally moved out again to Bogota, Colombia. My public school got
changed for a private one, my chores disappeared with household help, and my
average Virginia house got changed for a penthouse apartment. I couldn’t
complain. As I started going to my new private school with the richest and most
elite children of the Jackie Kennedys of the country I began warping into my
new fantasy life. I stopped sticking up for the indigenous and underprivileged
like I had in Bolivia and in the US. I began dressing like they did, talking
like they did, and losing my ideals that I had come there with. As I completed
each grade and went higher up into my middle school and eventually high school
career I began becoming what I had vowed not to. Like Marlow is foreshadowed to
do, I began changing what I believed in and not speaking up about it. I knew
that these kids were here to become richer, not to save their fellow citizens
from starvation, but yet I stayed quiet. As I went up country, or up a grade
level, I started seeing myself, not as the young little explorer I was in
Bolivia with aspirations to become a biologist and explore the Beni, but as a
follower of the latest fashion trends and an avid face-booker. When 10th
grade hit I no longer wanted to move countries and explore knew ones. I wanted
to stay in the comforts of my luxurious life. By the end of 10th
grade when the notice came, condemning us to four years in Paraguay, I was
horrified. I felt like I was moving into a darkness of the unknown. This time,
unlike Marlow, I acknowledged the darkness and feared it. I feared my new life
and the reality of what would be Paraguayan existence. It was a much more
underdeveloped country whose main tourist trap included the Iguassu Falls that
lied beyond its borders. I was a changed being after one five year exploration.
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